Fear of failing as a writer

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Happy Halloween, dear readers!

As you’ll already be aware, this month on Aussie Owned and Read we’re talking fears. I’ve already blogged about a couple of mine previously — during our 2014 Haunting Halloween blog hop, I shared a scary (and true) story of the last time took part in a seance, and talked about my fear of unstoppable, invisible death such as plague or nuclear fallout.

So now I have to choose from one of the two things that truly terrify me. One I’m still going to nope out of (something happening to my son), which leaves the other.

Fear of failure.

It’s not quite the imposter syndrome that Lauren blogged about last week, although that’s part of it. I know that whenever anyone from work congratulates me on a book release, I always downplay the accomplishment. I’m an indie author, and I think I’m still subconsciously hankering for the validation of a big contract — even though I know that’s silly and that actually completing six novels is still a pretty big deal.

It’s more that, this year, I have written barely a word that wasn’t a book review or a blog post. I did finish the last little bit of False Awakening in January, and I spent quite a bit of time doing edits on that to get it ready to publish … but original words? Almost none.

What if I can’t write anymore? What if I’ve forgotten how?!

I’m actually feeling ashamed right now, typing these words. Like I’m sharing a dirty secret. Because — even though I know it’s silly, even though I know I’m being overly harsh on myself — if I don’t write, doesn’t that make me failure as a writer?

So that’s my fear.

My problem isn’t writer’s block, I don’t think. I described it to a friend as “writer’s ennui”. Frankly, I think I’ve fallen out of the habit of writing, and trying to return to match fitness (such as I ever had) is so daunting it’s causing all my anxieties.

I am working to overcome it. I’ve been plotting out a new book — a steampunk fantasy, which is a new genre for me — and the world-building has really slowed me down. (Urban fantasy was way easier.) In the meantime, I’m trying to write a short story at the moment, for a local anthology that has a call out for submissions. Even if I don’t get selected, it’s all about building my writing muscles up again.

So there you have it. My embarrassing, paralysing fear.


While I’m here, I’m going to be cheeky and wish a happy book birthday to one of our former Aussie Owned and Read bloggers, K. A. Last. Her newest release, the delightfully creepy The Lovely Dark, comes out today. You can read my review of it here.


Cassandra Page is a speculative fiction author — she is an author, she’s sure of it. She even has five books on sale to prove it.

Birthday Terror

October is the month of scary and here at Aussie Owned and Read we’re looking at all things frightening.

I’m not looking for singing or anything (🙂) but last week was my birthday.

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My terrifying Tasmanian Tiger cake

Not just any day last week but Friday…. Friday the 13th. In October. I was kind of expecting something bad to happen.

It didn’t.

(I was amazingly spoilt in fact, although I did get another year older)

However, it made me think of how often in books a birthday plays an important part and it’s not always a good one. A birthday is a time of change and in some cases of fear. Not just of getting old but of a shift, in society. In contemporary books that can be the shift of being able to drive or drink legally. Leave home, vote or leave school.

All of which can be a source of fear for a character (or a reader).

Then there’s becoming a wizard in a certain series.

Or perhaps a time of a choice that must be made and can determine one’s whole life like in Divergent by Veronica Roth. Then there’s Hunger Games by Suzanne Collins where every birthday gives you a greater chance of being selected.

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Are you afraid of a birthday?

Should a character be?

 

🙂

Beck

beck nicholas_ bec sampson

I always wanted to write. I’ve worked as a lab assistant, a pizza delivery driver and a high school teacher but I always pursued my first dream of creating stories. Now, I live with my family near Adelaide, halfway between the city and the sea, and am lucky to spend my days (and nights) writing young adult fiction. My next book LAST DAYS OF US is out in Dec with HQ Young Adult.

Not-so-fictional fear

Since October is traditionally (if you don’t live down under) the month of all things scary, we decided to go with a fear theme. From scary books to personal fears to writing fear–we’ll delve into it all this month.

Now, fear is a funny thing. It’s not rational. It’s not discriminatory. It often makes zero sense. It comes in all shapes and sizes and when it hits it can knock even the bravest of creatures out for six. And that’s what I want to talk about today … the biggest fears, those that knock you flat on your rear and don’t only make breathing hard, they make living feel near impossible. Some people would call them phobias, others might refer to them as mental illness. Either way, I want to share some books with you where fear bursts off the pages in such a realistic way the reader gains a first hand understanding of living in constant fear.

Image courtesy of graur codrin at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Under Rose Tainted Skies (Louise Gornall): This is an amazing story about a girl whose fear of, well everything, leads to Agrophobia (fear of the outside world). By the time I reached the end of Gornall’s book I really understood how fear could take over.

The Boyfriend List (E Lockhart): The main character suffers from anxiety and although her fear doesn’t define the story it’s a very realistic recount of what living with anxiety is like.

Am I Normal Yet (Holly Bourne): OCD is about way more than compulsive hand washing and a fear of germs. Holly Bourne does a great job of showing this through relatable characters and a riveting plot.

Fangirl (Rainbow Rowell): This book portrays social anxiety beautifully. A fear or phobia of interaction with strangers and even friends is something that many people can’t relate to, but let me tell you, Rainbow Rowell nailed it.

I love that modern fiction has cast awareness on what it’s like to live with fear. I read Tomorrow When The War Began in my early teens. The concept of that series still sticks with me as an adult, making me fearful of situations happening in our world today. Statistics say that 1 in 5 Aussies are affected by mental illness. It’s surprising that with the sheer number of affected there’s still so much stigma around the issue. So much in fact, that many sufferers don’t seek help or feel accepted.

It’s mental health week here in NSW, the perfect time to pick up a new read focusing on a real life issue. These books showcasing fear are a wonderful empathy-creating tool.

Have you read any books featuring characters who live with fear? I’d love to hear about them.

Stacey Nash writes about characters who have to overcome their fears. To find out more about Stacey’s books or to connect with her on social media, check out these places: www.stacey-nash.com, instagram, twitter, facebook.