Pitch Madness: Pitch-Honing Session Too!


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Happy half-price-chocolate day! ❤

Last Thursday we posted a pitch-honing session here. Anyone who’s tried to follow that thread will know the comments thread has become more tangled than a marionette’s strings after my son has been playing with it for five minutes! So we’re starting afresh today.

Don’t know what Pitch Madness is? You can find out more about it here. Basically, it’s your chance to have your manuscript skip the slush pile and be seen by a heap of fabulous agents.

Two of the Aussie Owned and Read team are involved in choosing some of the pitches that will make it in front of the industry professionals, and we want to help you make your pitch shine! Put your pitch in the comments as per the formatting below and we’ll let you know our thoughts on how it can be improved. You are also welcomed to help out your fellow writers aspiring to be part of Pitch Madness by providing feedback on other posts too.

Sharon and Lauren are on Team Dark Side and they (and the rest of us!) are really looking forward to seeing what you have to offer.

Title:
Category and genre:
35-word pitch:

As the submission deadline for the competition is 20 February, we’re closing this window of opportunity on 19 February to give you time to tinker before the final deadline. Good luck and happy pitching!

Team Darkside 1
Cassandra Page is acting as a minion of Team Dark Side. She’s expecting her light sabre in the mail any day now.
Cassandra Page

90 Comments

  1. Thanks so much for doing this!

    Title: BIRTHDAY DISASTER
    Category and genre: Adult Romantic Suspense
    35-word pitch:

    A hand on a detective’s crouch lands Attorney Daniella Montgomery in cuffs. Evidence identifying her in a serial homicide lands her in jail. She’ll need to find the killer before she lands behind bars permanently.

    Also, would our pitch have to be dual pov if our MS is?

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    1. Hi Nicole.
      I really like this pitch, the repetition of lands x 3, really drives it. I’m not quite sure what the connection is between the first and second sentences though. Can you perhaps make this a little clearer? Also, I would suggest switching out ‘a hand’ to read ‘her hand’.
      I don’t feel that a 35 word pitch is long enough to have multi-POV. It would be best to convey the concept and stakes for the main plot than for individual characters. If the second POV is the detective though, I’d suggest adding his name and removing a, just to make it a tad more personal.

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      1. Thanks! So I made some revisions:

        Her hand on Detective Jones’s crotch lands Attorney Daniella Montgomery in cuffs. Her arrest identifies her in a homicide, landing her in jail. She’ll need to find the killer before she lands behind bars permanently.

        Liked by 2 people

    2. Hi, I have the same issue with my pitch, since my MS is dual POV, too. So I attempted a compromise, as you can see in my example below.
      Your pitch – I love romantic suspense, YA or A. When you say evidence in a serial homicide, do you mean as a suspect or for withholding evidence? Being more specific might make for higher stakes. Just my opinion. Best of luck 🙂

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    3. That first line is gold. I agree with Stacey, it’s really hard to do dual POV in a 35 word pitch. I can see the pattern you’re going for – however it leaves me going “how is she going to prove it from behind bars” because the second sentence reads like she’s been convicted. This one really interests me, but it needs a better flow.

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  2. Yay, wonderful! Thanks for the chance to work on this!

    TITLE: PRESCRIPTED
    CAT/GENRE: Adult speculative fiction
    35-WORD PITCH: Nick, smitten with Elizabeth, breaks the rules and reveals Modern Medicine is fiction – bacteria, enzymes, carbs, everything – and he’s a Writer. The Board makes him disappear. Elizabeth’s next, unless she can rewrite Science.

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    1. So, interesting concept, but hard to get a good grip on. I think you need to make this all from Elizabeth’s POV. I think that’s because there’s some world building terms in here that don’t mean anything to someone who hasn’t read the story yet.

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply

    2. I love the premise here, but I’m a little confused. I’m not sure what him being a writer has to do with the revelation or his disappearance. I think you can probably drop that altogether, to make the pitch stronger. The last sentence, also confuses me a little, as if he’s disappeared, how does he know Elizabeth is next? That could just be me not getting it though. 😉

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply

    3. You had me right up to the ‘and he’s a writer’ part. I don’t get the relevance of that or why a writer would know that modern medicine is a scam? I’m sure it’s explained later but here it just leaves to many questions. I also have no clue what you mean by ‘rewrite science’.
      You have a very specific hook though which is hard to do in such a short pitch.

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply

    4. I think you could leave out the “bacteria, enzymes, carbs, everything” and just end at “Modern Medicine is fiction”. And what’s a Writer? Does it mean whatever he puts on paper is what he gets people to believe, like writing that Modern Medicine is real when it isn’t. And who’s the Board? And how can Elizabeth rewrite Science? Is she a Writer too? I think answering some of these questions (or all if you can) will make it flow better. Hope this helps!

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply

    5. Thanks for all the feedback, guys! As frustrating as it is to convey an entire MS in 35 word, I have to say, it’s still so much better than the straight-up 140character tweets, hehe.
      So, I’ll clarify a little so that if anybody has specific suggestions, you can feel free to jump in. Like S.M. Johnston said, I understand that there are world-building terms that won’t mean much to anyone who hasn’t read it yet, but what I’m trying to get across is that the entirety of Medicine throughout the ages has just been concocted by brilliant storytellers who MADE IT UP. Not even doctors know (at least, most doctors). Over the centuries, it has been organized and is now run by a secretive Board of Writers of fictional medicine. Nick is one of these Writers. Which, I guess, would be easier to have people understand if I gave them a different title, but I didn’t. And since Elizabeth (who is a doctor) knows, without having been authorized to know, she’ll be punished unless she can prove to them that she’s more valuable if they keep her around. And the way to do that, is to show the contributions that she can make to this “Science.”
      So! I’m off to polish and tinker with this some more, but feel free to let me know if there’s a specific change you would make! Thanks again!

      -Emi,

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      1. While that makes it clearer for us here – you can’t put that level of detail into the Pitch Madness entry. You need to find a way to create this world building in the pitch. Look at it from an outsider’s point of view and make sure your pitch makes sense to someone who knows nothing about your story.

        Start with the world building:

        Writers create everything about reality – even modern medicine. When Dr. Elizabeth finds out her livelihood is fiction, she must find a way to rewrite science before the government rewrites her out of reality.

        That’s exactly 35 words. Play around with it.

        Like

  3. Title: WOUNDS HEAL, SCARS REMAIN

    Category/genre: YA Contemporary

    35+3 Word Pich
    Barely able to walk after a violent gang rape, seventeen-year-old Allison returns to school. She must fight PTSD, her broken body, and pregnancy or risk losing what little she has left of herself that the attackers didn’t destroy.

    Thank you!
    @GloWolf143

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    1. I remember this one from Pitch Wars. It’s such a strong story.

      I think: Seventeen-year-old Allison was left barely able to walk after a violent gang rape – for your first sentence. Her returning to school doesn’t fit in with anything else in the pitch and rewording it makes the sentence flow much better.

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply

  4. Title : Imperfect Lives
    Category & genre: YA contemporary
    35 word pitch :

    Suicide? Drug overdose? Not according to super geek Mira Patel and soccer star Shaun Daley. Convinced their respective siblings didn’t kill themselves, they have to connect clues linking the two deaths to snare a killer.

    Liked by 2 people

    Reply

      1. Thanks, Sharon. How about this?
        Suicide? Drug overdose? Not according to super geek Mira Patel and soccer star Shaun Daley. Convinced their respective siblings didn’t kill themselves, they link the two deaths to snare a killer before he traps them.

        Liked by 1 person

  5. Pitch Madness will be the first pitch contest I’ll ever join, so I’ll need all the help I can get! Thank you for doing this pitch honing session 🙂

    Title: The Spirits of Anito
    Category and genre: Upper MG Historical Fantasy with Steampunk Elements
    35-word pitch:
    When tragedy awakens her powers, 12-year-old Pim must learn Spirit magic from a talking chicken, dodge faulty automatons, and overcome her fears to save her family while winning a Tagalog war against Spain.

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    1. I love Steampunk and I think it’s due for a comeback! For the pitch – there is a lot going on in here and it’s all a bit vague. Focus on one aspect of the story and how it relates to the MC and the stakes of the story. “awakens her powers” and “overcome her fears” are too vague.

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      1. I honestly don’t know what I’m doing, but how’s this one? 🙂

        “Pim will die for no one but herself, until war reaches her town and her Spirit Magic becomes their only hope. She must learn to control her powers, or the effort will cost her life.”

        Again, thanks so much for doing this. You guys are awesome 🙂

        Like

  6. Title: The Mason of Hearts
    Category: YA Fantasy

    35 Word Pitch –

    Option 1.

    Sara and Dustin, two young Preventors, must stop Elfria, a witch, from killing the Kingdom’s Heir, without giving her what she wants most – their powerful blood, to release her dangerous lover from death’s grasp.

    Option 2.

    Sara and Dustin are two young Preventors who must stop Elfria, a witch, from killing the Kingdom’s Heir, without giving her what she wants most – their blood, which could release her lover from death’s grasp.

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    1. Both of these are just one sentence. It’s too long.

      I’d have something like:

      Preventors Sara and Dustin must stop witch Elyria from killing the kingdom’s heir. But Elyria wants their powerful blood. Sara and Dustin must fulfill their duty without shedding blood and giving her more power.

      Play around with it. I don’t think we need specifics on what the blood will be used for in this instance.

      Like

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      1. Thanks for your feedback. I was playing around with it and I think this works better. What do you think of it now?

        Sara and Dustin, two young Preventors, must stop a witch from killing the Kingdom’s Heir, without giving her what she wants most – their powerful blood.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. You still have ten words to use. I’d urge you to use them to make your pitch specific to your story because you will be up against a lot of competition. Why to Sara and Dustin have to stop the witch? Why do they care?
        Also, it’s best to keep sentences as short as possible with such limited words. Each pause gives your reader time to process what they have just read. Using run-on sentences doesn’t give that opportunity so by the time you get to the end of the sentence you’ve forgotten what was at the beginning.

        Like

  7. Title: By Starlight Speak

    Category and Genre: NA Fantasy

    Pitch: Being an Astralure means more than Sona realized – summoning the Great Spirits alive inside the constellations, and turning the hunt for her back on the tyrant out to use her ability. DRAGONHEART meets STARDUST.

    Thank you so much for this opportunity! 🙂

    Like

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    1. Hi Amber! I love fantasy, so seeing it in NA is wonderful. However, I don’t feel that you’re using the 35 words to it’s maximum potential. Astralure is obviously a word that is unique to your story, I think explaining the word takes up unnecessary space that could be better used. I would also suggest not using comparisons here, for the same reason. Comp titles are GREAT, because they give us a real feel for the story, but 35 word pitches are very short and what is going to make yours stand out from the crowd is how it is different and unique. I don’t feel that comp titles accomplish this. Also, the last half of the first sentence is worded in a way that is slightly confusing. I had to read it a few times to figure out that the tyrant wants to use her abilities. Perhaps you could word this a tad more clearly. Good luck!

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply

      1. Here’s the new pitch I wrote:

        A hunted refugee talking to dragons – like being nineteen was easy for Sona. Now there’s only one thing to do with the tyrant out to use her – turn the hunt back on him.

        Hopefully this is better. I’ve found it so hard to distill my high fantasy into so few words. Thanks so much you guys! I appreciate the help 🙂

        Like

  8. Title: GRAVE MAKER BLUES
    Cat/Genre: A/Mystery/Amateur Sleuth

    35 wd Pitch:
    A friend who died ten years ago turns up dead, again. After stumbling upon his body, Sarah becomes suspected of his murder and must find the killer, Grave Maker, or become his next victim.

    Thank you!
    Kathryn

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    1. I remember this one from #adpitch, I was super intrigued! But I think my favorite pitch was the one that went “No one dies twice. But when Sarah discovers a recent murder victim is a friend who died 10 years ago she must find the killer.” You could enhance that with the part where she becomes a suspect, and becoming the next victim, but that beginning just packed such a punch!

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply

      1. How does this sound? No one dies twice. But Sarah discovers a recent murder victim is a friend who died ten years ago. Accused of his murder, she must search for the killer or become his next victim.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. How does this sound? No one dies twice. But Sarah discovers a recent murder victim is a friend who died ten years ago. Accused of his murder, she must search for the killer or become his next victim.

        Liked by 1 person

  9. Title: People and Other Breakable Things
    Genre: Contemporary YA

    Here’s another stab at it. Thanks everyone for your feedback to date, this forum is fantastic. Good luck to everyone :).

    When Ed, a disaffected 17-year-old meets Luisa, a vivacious Christian girl there’s instant chemistry. But Ed has to keep dope-smoking friends at bay and navigate the new, discomforting world of church to see her again.

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      1. Okay, cool. It’s not a Christian book so here’s the other one – modified after your comments regarding the last sentence.

        A coming-of-age story that follows a gifted artist, seventeen-year-old Ed through house robberies, wide-eyed love and homelessness. Running away under the guise of seeking adventure, as his thoughts get darker, oblivion gets closer

        Thanks!

        Like

    1. I wasn’t that keen on the ‘oblivion’ ending (a bit naff really! I seem to have a good dose of pitchitis 😦 ). How’s this…

      Title: People and Other Breakable things, YA Contemp

      A coming-of-age story that follows a gifted artist, seventeen-year-old Ed through house robberies, wide-eyed love and homelessness. It’s the year he manages to break a string of promises, plans and almost himself.

      Like

      Reply

  10. I definitely need help with my pitch. It’s hard to summarize my story in so few words! (That’s why it’s hard for me to write a query.) 😛

    Title: Summer of Firsts
    Category and genre: YA Contemporary

    Grace is in love with Mr. Darcy. Too bad he’s made of words, paper, and a girl’s imagination. She needs a real love story. Too bad she falls for the boy with the broken heart.

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    1. I see what you’re trying to do with the repetition. But the last sentence doesn’t work for me. Maybe – Too bad she falls for a Wickham instead.

      Or another character from a Jane Austin book that fits.

      Either that or go for “Instead she falls for a broken boy.”

      It is missing stakes of sorts, but it still works.

      Like

      Reply

      1. Do these new pitches sound better than my first lame attempt? 😛

        “Grace loves Mr. Darcy. Too bad he’s made of words, paper, and a girl’s imagination. It’s time for something real, but falling for the boy who still loves his heartbreaker may break her own heart.”

        OR

        “Grace’s boyfriends have always been made of words, paper, and a girl’s imagination. It’s time for something real, but falling for the boy who still loves his heartbreaker may end up breaking her own heart.”

        Does it sound better to take Mr. Darcy out? Grace is a reader so she does have other book boyfriends, but Mr. Darcy is the main paper boyfriend mentioned throughout the story! Is it too repetitive to have “heart” and “break” twice in the last sentence? Also, I’m still trying to decide if I should mention that Grace is half-Korean…

        Sorry for being wordy in my post, but thanks in advance 🙂 🙂 🙂

        Like

    2. Hi! I’m no pitch expert, but I do like your original pitch the best. I agree with S.M.’s advice concerning the last line; I liked her suggestion of ‘Instead she falls for a broken boy.’ or something along those lines. That is the only point of the pitch that is unclear–exactly what is wrong with this boy? A broken heart seems a little vague to me.

      I do like the simplicity of the pitch and particularly like the line “She needs a real love story.” I wouldn’t change that line. It is right to the point and I feel like the reader really gets that.

      Good luck!

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    3. Hi ya. I definitely liked your first pitch better and agree with Kara – don’t get rid of ‘She needs a real love story’. The last line needs to be ironic, I think to have the effect I think you’re after. Good luck.

      Like

      Reply

  11. Title: The Medium Path
    Genre: Paranormal Romance

    This is SO hard! Help, please, anyone?

    Ruby, spirit guide and eighty years dead, helps reluctant spirits pass over. When ghosts are taken by darkness, instead of light, she seeks help from a living medium, awakening emotions she’s all but forgotten.

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    1. This is an intriguing concept, but the stakes are missing. You can cut down your word count and give room for more info

      Spirit guide Ruby helps ghosts pass over. When darkness takes ghosts instead of light, she seeks assistance from a living medium, awakening emotions she’d forgotten.

      That’s 25 words – same message as before but 10 words left to add stakes!

      Like

      Reply

  12. I’m having a very hard time with my pitch because it’s character driven and I have 4 POVs and it’s an epic novel. I tried to focus on the opening conflict, but I don’t know if it’s strong enough. Thanks for the help.

    Title: THE BROKEN ROAD
    Genre: Women’s Fiction
    35 Word Pitch:
    Renn, a veterinarian, is struggling to deal with his recent paralysis. It threatens his marriage while pushing him toward fellow rehab patient, Coop, a bitter horse trainer who wishes she had died after being paralyzed.

    Thanks again,
    Beth

    Like

    Reply

    1. I think you can make this a bit tighter:

      Veterinarian Renn struggles to cope with his recent paralysis. It threatens his marriage while pushing him towards fellow rehab patient, Coop.

      You could leave it there from your original and add stronger stakes – though it does make it sound like LGBT because people would assume Coop is a boy.

      Like

      Reply

  13. Title: SISTERS
    Category & Genre: Adult Speculative Thriller

    Michelle was born a thief. Now she has 48 hours to die a savior. It’s blood debt for the clone of a murdered woman trying to destroy the genetic Manhattan Project that gave her life.

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    1. I love this pitch! It’s strong and shows us all the important things. My only suggestion is that the last sentence doesn’t flow as well as the others. I want to know what the it’s refers to. Is Michelle paying the blodd debt, does she need to stop the blood debt. I’m a little confused by that one tiny word. 🙂

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      1. The “It’s” is a function of nothing more than having hit 35 words (a lame answer, I know, but it is what it is).

        The answer to your question is both. Michelle must pay her blood debt because she can’t succeed without confronting the shattered family her donor left behind and providing some closure for them. But she must also stop it by stopping this genetic line; there’s now a child with her face, the first in an endless line of product to suffer her fate if she can’t rescue this one. I’m at a loss how to insinuate that with 35 words.

        Any thoughts? And thanks for your time.

        Like

      2. It’s so hard to cut words to keep it under the 35! I feel your pain. From what you’ve told me, the highest stake seems to be the future clones, whom she wants to save. I’ve had a stab, but I could be way off and I’m sure you can make it much better.

        As a clone Michelle was born a thief. She has hours to die a savior. Ny destroying the genetic project that gave her life, before an endless line of future clones owe blood debt, too.

        Michelle was born a thief. Now she has 48 hours to die a savior. It’s blood debt for the clone of a murdered woman trying to destroy the genetic Manhattan Project that gave her life.

        Like

      3. I confess I’m still a little confused about the two different women. I assume Michelle is a clone of this woman and is therefore engineered too? You could try making that clear up front – something like:

        Michelle was engineered to be a thief. Now she has 48 hours to die a savior, avenging the clone of a murdered ancestor by trying to destroy the genetic Manhattan Project that gave her life.

        (If you change woman to ancestor the only “she” in the paragraph in Michelle – which might avoid confusion about who “her” is. Assuming it’s Michelle! Otherwise I’m way off base! :p )

        Like

      4. Cassandra:

        “I assume Michelle is a clone of this woman and is therefore engineered too?” I read this to mean you think the murdered woman was a clone (i.e., engineered) as well. That’s not the case. The murder victim was just an average woman whose DNA happened to exhibit a quirk invaluable for research. The genetic Manhattan Project is built off her murder, a harvest of raw material. Michelle feels like a thief since she only exists because of that murder. That makes her very life a blood debt, to the original victim, to that victim’s family, and to the latest child clone in line to be used and then disposed of.

        I struggle how to sum that up in 35 words. Any last thoughts?

        Thanks for your time..

        Like

  14. Thank you for offering to help. I had a few pitches and am a little unsure of which to use and if they even work. I’ll only list the ones I am actually considering.

    Title: Our Reasons
    Category and genre: YA Contemporary
    35-word pitch:

    1. When Garrett discovers a suicide note in a library book, he tracks down the author, befriends her, and decides to come up with a response to her list.

    2. Unable to cope any longer, Maddie makes a list of reasons to kill herself. When Garrett finds the list, he befriends her and decides to make a list of his own.

    3. Two teenagers bond in the unlikeliest of ways–over a suicide list.

    4. Maddie makes a list of reasons to kill herself. Garrett makes a list of reasons for her to stay. Which list will win in the end?

    5. When Garrett finds the suicide list, he decides to track down the girl who wrote it. When things between them get complicated, Garrett decides to make a list of his own.

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    1. I like number 2 the best, except I’d get rid of ‘Unable to copy any longer’. You could replace it with something more specific. Or, I like a combination of 2 and 5;

      After [such and such happens] Maddie makes a list of reasons to kill herself. When Garrett finds the list, he decides to track her down. They become friends and Garrett makes a list of his own.

      Good luck, your story sounds great 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply

    2. I love the concept and the opening. I just feel like we need more on the stakes. For a few of them you have words left. I like 1 and 4 the best – but 4 needs a sentence that’s a statement at the end not a question and 1 needs some stakes added.

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply

    3. Don’t waste all those words! I’ve had a play and come up with a mashup. This is 34 words.

      Garrett discovers a suicide note in a library book, outlining the reasons Maddie wants to die. He finds and befriends her, deciding to write a list of his own: reasons for her to stay.

      Liked by 2 people

      Reply

  15. Title: CHASING HAPPILY EVER AFTER
    Genre: New Adult/Contemporary Romance
    Pitch: Modern-day Little Mermaid with a twist: Jilted at the altar, hedge-fund princess Marina must chase down her Happily Ever After or risk losing her tiara to another. Not. Gonna. Happen.

    Like

    Reply

      1. Hi! Thanks so much for helping. I see what you’re saying about the stakes. Basically, she gets dumped on her wedding day because he’s cheating with someone. She feels compelled to run after him (don’t worry, she’s not really that desperate–it’s a phase) in order to save her HEA. The tiara thing is sort of metaphorical. Anyway, I tried rewriting and here’s what I came up with:

        Modern Little Mermaid with twist: Jilted at the altar, hedge-fund princess Marina must chase down her AWOL fiance to save her Happily Ever After or risk losing her tiara to another. Not. Gonna. Happen.

        Better? Clearer? Intriguing?

        Liked by 1 person

  16. Thank you for your guidance! I appreciate it!

    Title: THE GAMES OF MY LIFE
    Cat/Genre: Upper MG Contemporary
    35-word pitch:

    When 13 yo Darcy’s rejected from the basketball team, ridiculed by her father and humiliated by the team’s point guard, she considers giving up altogether until she learns about her basketball idol Jermaine Johnson’s life.

    Like

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    1. This is all one run-on sentence, which reduces the impact. I’d suggest breaking it up. (Also, forgive me but is Jermaine Hohnson a real person? If not, you probably don’t need to mention the name.)

      Also, what are the stakes of the story? I assume she wants to make the team still, but what is she really seeking? Self-confidence, redemption, to win a big game and save the day?

      Like

      Reply

      1. Thanks so much for your guidance and for taking the time to help each of us. It’s so appreciated! Here’s my revision…

        Darcy’s rejected from the basketball team and humiliated by the team’s point guard. Learning about her basketball idol’s life determines whether she sinks to the mean-girl’s level or pursues her dream of winning a championship.

        Like

  17. Title: Don’t Go Down the Snack Food Aisle
    Category and genre: Adult/Commercial Fiction
    REVISED 35-word pitch: Bruised by a layoff, 34-year-old Tess Lindsay returns home to rebuild her life. To survive an overbearing mother and a new job with deviant co-workers, she attends support group sessions at a weight loss center.
    Thanks, for the invaluable help.

    Like

    Reply

    1. I was wondering if the stakes would be clearer if you ended on the problems rather than the support group (it just doesn’t feel that perillous, if you know what I mean!). How about something like:

      Bruised by a layoff, 34-year-old Tess Lindsay returns home. But a weight loss center support group may not be enough to help her survive an overbearing mother and a new job with deviant co-workers.

      That’s 34 words.

      Like

      Reply

  18. Thank you so much for your offer. My first #PitchMadness! Here we go:
    Title: Sythwood, Althera’s Urn
    Genre: YA Fantasy
    Pitch: Desperate to avoid slavery, Lisette risks stealing a magic urn, unleashing a devastating curse that transforms her into a wolf—her parents’ enemy. Now, hunted by her father, she must break the curse or die.

    Like

    Reply

    1. I’d suggest changing “risks stealing” to “steals” – the first doesn’t sit well next to “unleashing”.

      Also, you could say this in 29 words. (My suggested changes are in all caps)

      “Desperate to avoid slavery, Lisette STEALS a magic urn, unleashing a devastating curse. TRANSFORMED INTO A WOLF AND hunted by her father, she must break the curse or die.”

      This would give you six more to elaborate on “die” a little. For example, “or die at the end of his sword”. Or alternatively you could elaborate on the dynamic between her and her father. If she loves him, you could perhaps say “her beloved father” or similar?

      Like

      Reply

      1. A peculiarity of my job is that I get a lot of practice at trying to shave words. It only comes into its own during these pitches and on Twitter. 😉 Sadly, it’s not so easy when it’s your own pitch – when you’re close to it, it gets harder!

        Like

  19. Thank you so much for the help! My first #PitchMadness!
    Title: Tomorrow
    Genre: Historical Fiction
    Pitch: Evelyn is the fourth wife of her Mother’s husband and must choose to be either obedient to her faith or to follow her heart. But has she realized too late that both are possible?

    Like

    Reply

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